'Tis The Season!

What's With All the Nude, Bound and Gagged Talk Show Hosts All Of A Sudden? Chelsea Handler of Chelsea Lately, Alisyn Camerota of Fox and Friends and an intern on Craig Ferguson's show all get bound and/or gagged in less than a month!

Chelsea Handler nude and bound on "Chelsea Lately" -- the first nude bondage scene on a talk show.
It's just part of the bondage hi-jinks in August 2007

Copyright 2007 by Pat Powers

It's always interesting when a bondage scene turns up in an unusual venue, and talk shows are one of those venues. It's very rare to see them. Meredith Viera's flirtation with a guest policeman on The View, which left her handcuffed, was one of the more memorable ones, because it was one of the ONLY ones. Prior to this month, in the entire history of television* there had been eleven talk show scenes in North American and European television.**

This month, there were FOUR bondage scenes on TV talk shows in the United States alone.

It's especially notable that a single talk show had not one, but two scenes, in the course of about a week. And one of those scenes is the ONLY nude bondage in any talk show that doesn't deal with sex as its main topic (like HBO's Real Sex series) and that is shown on non-premium cable TV.

That's right: although other female talk show hosts have managed to show up in bondage, only one of them -- Chelsea Handler -- did so in the nude.

In one of her opening monologues in the third week of August 2007, in her late night talk show "Chelsea Lately," Handler covered an incident that involved Zsa Zsa Gabor's current husband. Mr. Gabor claims that while driving around Los Angeles, he was recognized by three female fans and accosted by them. Instead of just asking him for autographs, they chose to express their devotion by stripping him naked and handcuffing him to the steering wheel of his car. The embarrassment was furthered when one of his rescuers took his picture while naked and handcuffed.

Most commentators have expressed a great deal of cynicism about Mr. Gabor's story, focusing especially on the part about Mr. Gabor being recognized, but also on the notion that he might have fans, and also giving some attention to the fact that his rescuer took his picture before rescuing him.

Chelsea's second photo in car bondage. She's not really a shy person, we're thinking.

Ms. Handler, by contrast, was quite sympathetic, saying that this sort of thing happens all the time in Los Angeles. She then recounted several similar incidents that happened to her, illustrating them with two pictures of herself handcuffed naked to the steering wheel of her car. Ms. Handler then said she became too wary to be caught in her car again, and sure enough, the next picture showed her naked and cuffed to a bicycle.

Chelsea in bicycle bondage. Naked and helmeted, yowzah!

There were black squares covering Handler's naughty bits, presumably to help the E! Network retain some pretext that it isn't a softcore porn network. Still, Handler is quite the blonde honey, and she is the first and only nude, handcuffed babe on a mainstream talk show, and for that she must be congratulated. And ogled.

The following week, the last week in April 2007, Handler's talk show featured a story about a star whose MySpace page on the web was apparently hacked, resulting in some embarrassing revelations about her. While others were cynical and judgmental, Ms. Handler once again proved to be the soul of understanding and sympathy. In her opening monologue, Handler showed screen captures of her own MySpace page which had by coincidence ALSO been hacked with embarrassing revelations about Ms. Handler. The bit culminated with a photo of Handler bent over a dressing table and looking over her shoulder with her pants pulled down to reveal some nice black undies, wearing a ballgag and holding a paddle, while a security guard sat behind her and held a hand on her back and wielded a flogger with the other hand.

Every girl has a fantasy, says Chelsea.

"I don't know how they got ahold of that photo!" Handler said. "But every girl has her fantasies. Don't judge."

While Chelsea was getting her freak on over at the E! Network, newscaster Alisyn Camerota at the Fox Network show Fox and Friends was not to be outdone.

(OK, actually, Alisyn was outdone by Chelsea, big time. Chelsea got naked. But the point is, Alisyn was trying, OK?)

The rationale in this bit of news-oriented bondage fetishism was that a competing newscaster wanted to take over Alisyn's job of reading the morning news report, and so had tied her to her chair in her dressing room and gagged her with tape.

Bound AND gagged! Way to go, Alisyn! And is there some secret contest lately to see which female talk show host/participant can do the wildest bondage scene, or what?

It's pretty obvious why the fella is a second banana among Fox newsreaders -- the knots he used to secure Alisyn's wrists behind her back were very poorly done. If she had made the slightest effort to escape them, she could have. But as you can see from these photos, Alisyn was too busy vamping for the videocam that just happened to be opportunely placed to catch her in bondage to make any serious or even half-hearted escape attempts.

That's fairly pathetic ropework. It's like they're not even trying. And I thought Fox News was serious news stuff!

(OK, OK, I kid, I understand Fox News wouldn't know an actual news story if it bit them in the ass.)

And we have to say, Alisyn vamped beautifully. Yowzah! A woman like her could turn tape gags into a fashion acccessory if she doesn't watch out.

Work it, Alisyn! What a babe!

Alisyn easily shook off her ropes and resumed her news reading duties when the gag had run its course, which should be a lesson in bondage for newscasters everywhere -- if that guy had tied her properly, she never would have gotten away before he read the news.

Two news show bondage scenes in one month is remarkable, but understandable considering they came from one show, especially Handler's show which isn't afraid to go for The Sexy. But Camerota's scene created three news show bondage scenes in one month -- an incredible 1/4 of the output of news show bondage over the entire history of television.

If we had four news show bondage scenes in one month, well, that can only herald the downfall of Western civilization itself!

Yet, it has happened. A week later, on the Craig Ferguson show, they had a parody skit called "Hell's Kitchenette" in which Craig played a satanic parody of the head honcho of the reality show "Hell's Kitchen."

At one point, Craig became furious with a cute young female chef contestant on "Hell's Kitchenette," crying, "Are you talking back to me?" A moment later, he pulled out a huge red ballgag and gagged her with it.

That's a really respectably-sized ballgag and it's clearly lodged securely in the chef's mouth. What's more, the young woman works the gag very nicely, with her wide-open, frightened eyes. There are a lot of actresses who could learn something here ...

Now the INTERESTING thing about this ballgag was that it was a) huge and b) properly applied, pulled nice and tight into the comely young chef's mouth. I mean, it looked like one of those huge gags that professional bondage models wear so nicely, most notably Ashley Taylor. It REALLY filled her mouth, but I think more importantly from the point of view of the people who made the skit, it looked very silly, especially in combination with the chef's hat the woman was wearing.

What's more, she spent most of the rest of the scene wearing the gag. The intern wearing the gag played off it very nicely, casting big-eyed bewildered looks at satanic Craig Ferguson. The gag kept her face locked in expression that was both an "O" of surprise and a vaguely simpering expression, which added to the comedic effect.

All in all, it's been a very nice outing for talk show bondage this month, but we have to ask: what brought this on? What would explain this historically unprecedented larking about with ballgags, nude bondage, badly done chair ties, tape gags and whatnot all at once?

A look at the calendar may be in order. These talk show bondage scenes are occurring occuring in late July/early August. There's a name that journalists use to describe this time of year in the U.S. What is it? Oh yes, of course. The silly season. When there's not a lot of real news to discuss so a lot of oddball stories get covered and newscasters get up to hi-jinks.

I for one wish the silly season could last all year long.

* Note: we take no consideration of males being bound and gagged in these discussions. Others may well be interested in the concept of male talk show hosts nude, bound and gagged -- presumably gays, women, the polymorphously perverse and others not generally describable as manly men -- but not us. Ed McMahon may have at some point wound up naked and in a frogtie on the Johnny Carson show, but frankly, we don't want to know about it. David Letterman may have been bound naked in a savage fold and cleave gagged with his own underwear, but we are sorry we even thought of it for this example.

** Other instances of talk show bondage from the database on Brian's Page. The series are almost all from the U.S., the U.K. and Canada -- there is one entry from France -- but this probably more a reflection of the contributors to Brians' Page than to what the actual numbers are worldwide. We suspect that Asian shows might far outnumber Western shows in this regard. Still, the listing is probably close to definitive for shows in these countries, and covers the entire history of television in these countries, and numbers only 11 entries. Which puts the four entries in the last month in their proper perspective.

Watch Out Weekend (U.K.) -- Sophie Aldred -- Sophie is tightly roped with black tape wrapped around her head

The View (U.S.) -- Meredith Viera -- humorously handcuffed by cop

The Priory (U.K.) -- Zoe Ball -- British talk show. Co-host Zle Ball goes insane and is trussed up in a straight jacket

Jenny Jones (U.S.) -- Jenny Jones Dancers -- Loosely bound and gagged and replaced temporarlily by wannabes.

James Whale Show (U.K.)-- Linda Nolan -- British talk show in which Nolan has her wrists tiekd to the arms of a chair and is cleave-gagged with a white cloth.

The Magic Hour (U.S.) -- Sheila E -- Found bound and gagged backstage. Brief scene.

Le Methode Cauet (France) -- French talk show in which female co-host is tied to a chair hands behind, rope around upper body and cleave gagged with black cloth.

Live It Up (Canada) -- Diane Bruckner -- Candaian infotainment show circa 1990, host Diane Bruckner is strait-jacketed by a magician.

That's Life (U.K.) -- Co-host Esther Rantzen is gagged by her co-host. (Note, there are three U.S. series called "That's Life" but this one is from Britain.)

I've Got A Secret (U.S.)-- Stephanie Miller -- Miller, the host of this 2003 Oxygen game show is bound hands in front and gagged with duct tape by guest Charro.

Volt (Canada) -- Unknown host is bound arms to a chair and cleave gagged.

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