Small Soldiers: The Gag That Shouldn't Be!

Copyright 2008 by Pat Powers

Here, an action figure has gagged its owner's sister with a stuffed toy (and they call bondage films perverse!). She stares at it with horrified eyes, unable to speak. IT has things to say, however.

What's wrong with this gag? Well, there's nothing holding it in place. All the gagee has to do in order to speak, or more appropriately, scream in terror, is spit the thing out. But for some inexplicable reason, she doesn't. We figure it's because the director asked her not to.

Now, people who don't play at sexual bondage probably don't get gagged or tied up that often in the course of ordinary life, so it might not immediately occur to them that it's about as easy to remove a gag with your hands tied in front of you as it is to remove a gag with your hands free.

But it's pretty much part of the human experience that if there's something in your mouth that's too big to swallow, and you don't want it there, you can spit it out. Asking the audience to miss this point is an insult. And for that insult, we have redress. Welcome to the Hall of Shame, Small Soldiers! Form a line to receive your Loosie Awards! Hup...hup...hup...hup...

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