Those Fucking Nuns!

Here's some dialogue you won't find in your average U.S. cartoon.

copyright 2005 by Pat Powers

In Naked Nurses, a private hospital has been set up by Dr. Yoshi which has developed a wonderful reputation for curing people but from which some patients have a way of disappearing.

A groups of -- get this, you wouldn't believe they'd come up with this in an anime -- very cute, sexy female secret agents are dispatched to the hospital to figure out what the hell is going on there.

In the future, Moms will come in giant tubes. It's about time!

What the hell is going on in there is this: Dr. Yoshi's mom is being kept alive in some sort of gigantic contraption that involves her floating in a giant glass tube. She can communicate with by projecting an image of herself that can speak and so forth, apparently.

Dr. Yoshi is trying to come up with some sort of medication that will allow him to get mom out of the tube -- a commendable thing, certainly. But his studies have led him to develop experimental drugs that turns people into tentacle monsters.

Bald minions get the tentacle treatment.

What's more, these aren't raping tentacle monsters, they're more like killing tentacle monsters. OK, they start out by raping but they end up killing. I guess that's why they call 'em "monsters."

The hospital is staffed by attractive female nurses who wear long, shapeless cloaks with big cowls that reveal only the lower parts of their faces. These nurses, when alone with Dr. Yoshi, take off their cowls to reveal themselves as the bald, naked minions of Dr. Yoshi. And when they take off the cowls, they are ready to par-tay!

Par-tay time with Those Fucking Nuns.

Well, with practically the entire hospital staff moonlighting as bald sex minions, the agents are very quickly identified as agents of some sort and the sex minion/nurses pick them off one by one for some involuntary participation in their orgies. It's their way of bringing the agents around to the glories of being bald sex minions for a guy who is perhaps the biggest mama's boy since Stepmother's Sins.

Ring-gagged and bound, an agent gets fucked doggie style -- that'll warm her up for the blowjob she's about to give while wearing that ring gag! A relatively rare instance of a ring gag in a hentai.

Will Mama's Boy Dr. Yoshi get mom out of her bubbly vat? Will the kickass agents manage to survive all the lesbian bondage sex orgies with their minds intact? Will any of the character develop any kind of depth at all?

I can't recommend that you watch the anime to find out. The character development isn't strong enough to make the plot machinations worth working through. If we'd been able to feel anything for Dr. Yoshi and his mother's terrible predicament (and to be honest, it was never very clear why she was floating in a gigantic tube of liquid, much less why the tube had to be so gigantic). But Yoshi was never anything more than a plot device with a cock, and that sucked what life there might have been in the story right out.

Here's a primo example of how badly the pixelization fucks up the hentai. This woman's bod is well rendered, the framing is very well done, it's a very sexy pose, but the pixelization runs counter to everything else in the pic.

Even more problematical than that is the fact that this imported disk has every last frame of nasty bits pixelled out. And not just the bare minimum of stuff pixeled out, whole lower torsos get pixeled out. Since much of the hentai is hardcore XXX imagery, that's a lot of pixelling out. Frankly, pixeling out hardcore stuff makes the Skinamax solution of shooting from angles that just don't show hardcore stuff look very attractive. To put it frankly, pixeled-out hardcore sex scenes are just plain boring.

Clearly, the artists who created this hentai are capable of doing some nice work, as shown by this very nice portrait of one of the agents in a nurse's uniform. But she's the exception to the rule.

What's more, the quality of the animation was quite low. The figures and faces are clumsily drawn, the colors dull and uninspired, the movements jerky and unrealistic in the fighting and sex scenes, or the old "pan a large cel" in the orgy scenes, with little or no motion. There are some vividly drawn images and some imaginative framing, but I don't know if ANY amount of quality animation could make up for the pixeled-out scenes.

Here's another image, beautifully composed, which powerfully portrays the helplessness and sexual vulnerability of the damsel before her cowled captors. Since there are no naughty bits on display, this one isn't ruined by pixelization ... demonstrating What Could Have Been.

What's more, the subtitles were so badly done that it was hard to tell what the hell was going on. Whatever nuance or subtlety might have existed in the plotting or characterization was completely erased by the bad subtitling, with lots of just plain stupidity added in for good measure. There might be a story underneath the language barriers for Naked Nurses and there might be some hot imagery under the pixeled-out scenes, but as the U.S. version of the hentai is, you can do a lot better just by picking hentai videos at random. Naked Nurses is not a winner in the U.S., I'm afraid.

Unfortunately, this is what actually was.

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